Dan K Writes:
"Steve... How do I get to the Questions? The Website has no links to go anywhere.....
Do I get money for being a troubleshooter? :D

Later
Dan

No Dan, you were just being stupid. No Stevemids for you!

Yeah, that pretty much sums up my intro. (Sorry Dan!) Maybe I shouldn't have said that I would give money to people who found errors... so many errors were found! I mean... none of the errors were my fault, of course.... uhm.

Yeah! Halloween! Oh wait, I had to hand out candy so I couldn't go trick-or-treating.... oh well

Good times! I hope you guys are enjoying the new website for The Ultimate Quiz Game...

And make sure to stop by TheStore!

---

According to my records, Dan K. was the first member to order anything, item #S2 (§5 for §5) so he is the winner of the §3 bonus.... sorry for everyone else who tried!

Submitted by: Ameboid Boy

"The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog for it feeds the hand that bites it."
- Anonymous

BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS

Editors Note: I did not write this editorial.. a GIRL did. So :P

1. How TO MILK a COW
   1. Find a Cow
      1. Buy one at local Grocery store
      2. Steal one from Nate
      3. Make sure is cow and not bull
   2. Prepare Cow (not bull)
      1. Feed cow food
      2. Feed cow water
      3. Let cow sleep
         1. If cow is not sleeping drug cow
         2. If cow is sleeping give expresso
   3. For Chocolate Milk
      1. Feed Cow Hersheys syrup
      2. Spray paint cow brown for best results
   4. For Cheese
      1. Make cow very nervous
         1. Make cow dance in front of other cows
         2. Have the butcher visit regularly
      2. Make cow very upset
         1. Kick cow in face
         2. Debate wether hay or oats are better
   5. For ice cream
      1. Place cow in freezer overnight
         1. Depending on flavor either feed mint leaves,vanilla beans, cocoa beans etc. to cow night before
         2. For custard feed cow eggs
      2. Remove cow in moring and follow milking process.
   6. Milking process
      1. Find vaccuum cleaner
         1. Shop vac works nice
         2. If no vaccuum cleaner find a sub pump
         3. Find hose attachment to fit cow
      2. Securely duck tape
      3. Turn vaccuum cleaner to ON and HIGH
      4. Wait patiently
      5. Turn vaccuum cleaner to OFF
   7. CONGRATULATIONS
      1. You've just milked your very first cow
      2. See my new "Do it your self how to make cow pies" (Next issue!)

Check out the Movies Page... but come right back!

Right into Questions shall we?

First, where shall we start?
Why, at question #2, obviously!

Bobby S: June 17ish +§1
Ricky E: June 20th +§2

Dan K. Well. You are not 18 yet, so I'd have to say you were born in 1984, or late 1985. :P

What, Dan? You don't even know how old I am? I'm insulted! :P

Eileen Mc. When's *MY* birthday, frenchie?!

Eeek!

Nate K.
Due to bad timing, I was unable to weasel out the answer from Steve himself, and I have no clue in the first place other than he is at least 16 years old (probably about 18).

Hah!

Captain Annie: June 19, 1984

Yeay! +§4! (Also scoring +§4: Sarah R, Jeremy B, Carly D)

Ben G, you b------! You sent in 31 submissions, one for every day in June, and one for June 31 (which doesn't exist mind you...) That is a lot of emails to wade through! -§5!!

Bobby S: They are animals (and if i i don't get any points for that, I contest because if you do have pets, they are animals, and that is describing them...)...that is... the only way i'd be wrong is if you dont' have any pets.

Good try, bad logic ;)

Dan K: You had a Dog once right? It had four legs, a tail. It was harry, and sometimes it made a barking sound? Yeah, thats the one...

Nope.

Ashley P. You had a dog and a bird and a fish....and a cat...? Damn it, give me one.

Sarah R. To my knowledge, you have had no pets. unless Jeremy [my brother] counts as one. he is all furry (ewww...)...

Sarah, you do know that Jeremy gets this newsletter, right? ;)

Jeremy B. You dont have any real pets, except maybe Sarah :)

I'm sensing some hostility developing here... ;)

Captain Annie: This question was so written for me. You had a goldfish. IT DIED!!

Hey, it was a sad moment in my life! (But also very humorous several years later)

Ok, goldfish story, no, wait, not even going to start... +§5

Also, Ben G. Receives +§3

Ok, for the record, I once had a rabbit named tornado, no, I have never had a dog, and my brother and I once won a goldfish at Ripon Fest (Ripon, WI's [The place that makes good cookies, Ripin Good?] fair)

No I have never had any kind of dog.

Bobby S: it's a drink made from.... 1/4 cup orange juice concentrate 2 tablespoons sugar 1/2 cup milk 1/2 cup water 1 teaspoon vanilla

Ill' Have to try that.. if it is good I'll give you more money. +§3

Dan K. Isn't orange dream some sort of Frozen Ice Cream/Orange Ice treat food stuff?

No, that would be called Frozen Ice Cream / Orange Ice Treat Food Stuff!

Captain Annie: It is an orange soda made by Sprecher. It's really really good. The first sip reminds me of orange sherbert!

Actually, I don't like it, but that's it. +§5

Sarah R. That is a soda flavor by Sprecher. it's supposed to taste like a dreamsicle, but really it's only a nasty-ish flavor. Steve doesn't like it and I can only take so much and no, I still won't finish yours, Steve.

+§5

Ashley P. +§3 I'm not quite sure, but I believe it's a soda...that comes in those really cool glass bottles.

Carly D. Orange dream in the flavor of a dum-dum sucker. it is my dum-dum of choice. i do believe that it is supposed to taste like oranges and cream. mmmmmmmmmmm

Nate K. Orange Dream is a type of ice cream/popsicle. If this is not right, I say go to the grocery store and check it out your self. I have had popsicles/ice cream made with orange dream (sherbert).

What can I say? It's a harsh game. +§0

Jana V. The orange dream is... one time Stevie had a dream, or rather a nightmare, about eating so many oranges that his skin turned orange and people laughed at him. But continued to eat oranges and eventually he turned into an orange just like Violette on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory turned into a plum. However, after he turned into an orange, he had fun tumbling down steep hills and flattening people on the bottom just like the cartoons and the big rocks & snowballs.

I'll take that ;) +§5

Ben G's second answer: When you are asleep, but thinking about oranges... ps: i want credit for 2 (two) of these.... they are different answers for each

Ben, don't make me attack you with a wet sock, 'cause I will.

(Also scoring +§5: Victor T, Jeremy B, Eileen Mc)

Runners Up

Bobby S. On the average, coconuts weight about 1 lb. African Swallows are said to be about 5 ounces. Therfore, African Swallows would not be able to carry coconuts because A: they can't carry it, and B: African Swallows are not migratory and would not be able to even get them, unless they were shipped to Africa...

Dan K. Well, first of all, do Swallows eat coconuts? I don't think so. Therefore, their weights have nothing to do with one another. Now, if we look at Sarah's theory, that you Are a coconut, this just throws things farther off. You are not in Africa where the swallows are. So, you have no contact with Swallows. So, I say, There is not rational ratio between African Swallows and Coconuts.

Sarah R. First of all, I believe that a five ounce swallow could not carry a one pound coconut. Even if it could grip it by the husk, it's simply a question of weight ratios! in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second. It could very well be an african swallow, but certainly not a european swallow. but then again African swallows aren't migratory, so they couldn't bring the coconut back anyways. Now, if two swallow carried the same coconut together, they'd have to have it on a line, and they could use a strand of creeper, which would have to be held under the dorsal feathers, but since those tend to be pain-oriented feathers, it probably wouldn't work. you would need one fat-a## swallow to carry a coconut. unless it was a small one. now I'm getting started again. i'll just stop.

Ricky E. Coconuts are heavier than swallows (Note: Several other people also entered this....)

Jeremy B. [My Brother] Who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks made these questions up anyway? This sounds like something incredibly stupid from that awesome movie, Monty Python and the holy grail. this is the best part of it. i cant believe i remember that. Steve, get better questions. I dont want to waste my time on essays, I do enough homework.

Jana V. They weigh equal - no discussion.

Second Place $10

Liz B. What? This is an... interesting question. ;-) First off, it depends on the age of the swallow. If they're little baby swallows, then of course the coconut would weigh more. If it's a fat swallow, it would way tons more. Or, it could even be in its shell yet, and then it would also weigh less than a cocoanut. And as for the coconut, well, is it big or little? Has the coconut milk been removed from the inside of the coconut? Has any been turned into the shaved coconut? (Mmmmm... yum! :) So, Steve, until the questions are answered, I cannot accurately respond to this question.

First Place $20

Nate K. [Editors note: I think Nate mixed up African and European swallows...] The weight ratio between the African swallow and a coconut is a unique one at that. It is widely know that a coconut is heavier than an African swallow, but not an English swallow. Consequently, it is possible for both to transport coconuts long distances, it's just a matter of how it is done. The English swallow, being heavier, can alone carry a coconut by the husk (Harvard has contributed millions to studies on this), but in nature this does not naturally occur (everyone knows coconuts and English swallows aren't found in the same parts of the world). The African swallow, being lighter that the coconut, cannot carry it by itself. It has been observed that two swallows together can carry a coconut. With this information, we can form an equation.

2 x T > C
(two(2) x the thrust of an African swallow(T) is greater than(>) the weight of a coconut(C).

If we insert the average weight of a coconut (4.68 lbs.) and solve for the thrust, we know that the thrust of an African swallow has to be greater than 2.34 lbs. Now if we give the fact that an average African swallow weighs about 1 lb., we can conclude that the thrust of an African swallow must be greater than 3.34 lbs. (to support itself and it's half of the coconut).

With this essay we can conclude that an African swallow to coconut weight ratio is in the ballpark of 1:4.

Check the Rankings Page... but come right back!

Travel to the Trivia page... but read the Outro first!

Annie M: Error in Steve's site - You spelt "September" wrong on the first page. You put a 'v' instead of a 'b'.

Where? I don't see September anywhere on my first page....

Annie M: ALsO! - WE CANNOT SEND ANYTHING TO ULTIMATEQUIZGAME@YAHOOGROUPS.COM as your website states. So CHANGE IT! son of a b----.... I got this message every time I tried to send something (3 TIMES mind you). "Your message was not delivered because it was sent to an announcement-only group, where only the moderator may post."

Hey now, that wasn't my fault.... YahooGroups changed their system, so yell at them.... oh, but sorry about that and the problem has been fixed.

And finally! Spelling mistakes are not errors! It is my keyboard's fault, not mine.. so there.. time to amend the rule book....

Ashley P. Okay- Steve! Let me get one thing straight. I spent at least a half an hour looking for grammatical errors and found none! Not one. I think I at least deserve...oh I don't know...a few dollars. Hand em over...or I will...glare at you....evilish.

Now that is what I want to hear! +§3

And one final comment...

Annie M. The flag at the top of your site doesn't have enough stripes on it.

Oh go to sleep.

Annie M. You know that flag at the top of your page? It doesn't have the right amount of stars on it either. Just thought you should know. And you call yourself a patriot...

Grrr... till next time...

Oh, make sure to stop by TheStore ans see if there is anything you would like!

Go to the Trivia Page!